Am I a Failure?
by SweetieLove
Summary: Karen was always one. She always worked hard and yet, what was wrong with all the things she have done? She screws up, yeah. Can she prove herself even just for once that she isn't?


**Authoress's Note****:** _Okay, this is my first entry for the Village Square Forum Writing Festival, And the theme is Lost and Found. I guess I'm not too happy about this one since I kinda rushed this one. Blame if it's either too long or too sloppy. Review if you must, since I know I have a heck of a lot mistakes. Well then just enjoy.. :D_

**Disclaimer****:** _If I did own Harvest Moon, I would've asked famous directors to make a movie out of this. But I don't. So wait when I have a million dollars and enjoy ourselves to death._

**Failure**

_Failure. I was, am, and always be one. No matter how hard I try, I keep on failing, losing to every challenge. There's no hope in repeating it now, it's hopeless._

-0-

Darkness filled every speck of land in a little island of the east coast. Brick pathways led every person's step to a new direction: so many things to try, so many places to explore, a new treat to experience everyday. The town was quite successful even though it was simple and as quaint as it can be.

Behind the small cottages led to a beautiful forest filled with flowers, evergreen tress and lush green grass. If you climb up ahead, you may see the spring and the lake. Crystal, clear and pure was the only things I had to say. Although, I'm beginning to have doubts the Harvest Goddess lives there.

You may call it paradise, but fortunately we can actually call this heaven our _home. _

Everyone, from the blacksmith to the Mineral town Clinic, is quite successful with their jobs and skills.

Mary, the bookworm in the Library, can write novels with great pitch and has many best-selling books around. _Do I have that much skill?_

Elli, the loving girl at the Clinic, is a skilled nurse and knows how to properly take care of others. _Do I even have that patience to concern about others?_

Popuri, the childish chicken keeper at the Poultry Farm, has guts to take up a fight on me but can make errands swiftly and nimbly as she could. _Do I even have the integrity to make errands when I have free time?_

Ann, the cheery waitress at the Inn, loves her work and can send smiles to people without them worrying about her too much. She gives them this calming aura when you're with her. _Do I even have that?_

Claire, the farmer girl with a lovely smile, is deeply passionate about her work. One thing I noticed is that she doesn't care if it's hard of a task she's doing, as long as the farm will prosper. _Do I have that hard-working personality in me when I work in the supermarket?_

All of the maidens are talented, all except _me_.

I may be a beautiful goddess, like they say sometimes, but even I have my limits when it comes to work. I want to push myself through even just a little, to prove to everyone that I can be a responsible wife and not just a woman who gets drunk every night she wants.

I brushed off my bangs to the sides as I finished making the dish at around a half past 1, early in the morning_. How can frying an egg be so damn hard?_ I know perfectly well that it only takes oil and a frying pan to fry an egg but it always ends up either raw or burnt.

"It's no use!" I screamed, throwing the spatula to the ground not minding the complete mess I just made for the whole night. Eggshells were strewn all over the floor, some were supposed to be thrown in the trash can but it got full so she just threw them everywhere instead.

What was the thing that's wrong with me? I used every thing I saw, eggbeaters, mixers, whisks, soy sauce, peppers, mayonnaise, knives, sugar, milk, everything you can even name!

I sat down on a chair, thinking through what I will do next. _If I don't clean up now, surely mom will get mad at me again. _I quickly stood up and quickly took out the eggs I was just sitting on a while ago.

Heaps of eggs, from plain ol' sunny side ups to battered up omelets, can be seen in every inch of the room. You can hardly tell which is which since most of them all look the same: burnt. Eggshells were piling up on the counters and tables. The extract of some are making large puddles on the floor already, and it's quite dangerous to just leave them there on the floor. _I'll just a put a wet floor sign._

"Arrgh!" I screamed, unaware of the noise I was making that may wake up my parents from their sweet slumber. The last one I made was really close to a 'good enough' rating at least.

I took my latest creation from the pan, and tasted it all very carefully.

"Too salty!" Maybe a spoonful of salt was too much.

What am I gonna do now? The Cooking Festival is almost next week!

I'm planning on entering but, in this condition I'm going through, I might just forfeit in the contest. The competition's too tough for me.

There's Lillia that can make simple home-cooked meals to be as delicious as gourmet styles of cooking.

Aunt Manna is there too. She has vast knowledge when it comes to food since her ancestors were one of the best chefs in history.

Ann can do great too. She knows a lot of her father's recipe and is almost as skilled as him. The only advantage I have is that she's not good at tasting sweets and recipes with wine.

Doug...Oh! Don't even remind me of him! He's the greatest chef here and almost no one can beat him. Even Aunt Manna and Lillia are having too much pressure on them to beat Doug, even though it's just a friendly competition.

_Ugh, I'll just sleep. It's almost 3 am._

I took a quick glance around the room. Should I clean? Yeah, maybe I should. I don't want to take another scolding from my Mom. Short for Momzilla, the devilish dinosaur. I don't get my mom sometimes. She's so sweet and kind to everyone in the town when she's at the supermarket or in Rose Square. She has this kind of manipulating smile, ones that can make others grin as well.

The only ones who know about her secret are me and dad. She only throws punishments and tantrums at night, which always gives me a feeling of doubt whenever my mom's around.

I don't know what's getting into me; every now and then I have hallucinations saying I'll be the winner in this year's contest.

_But you get those every year, right? And what happens? You lose of course, you'll never win._

I wiped the last of the eggs and finished at around a quarter before 6. I quickly placed the rag on the counter and went to my bed, hoping for sweet dreams even just for a few seconds…

"Yawn" I said rather sleepily and plopped myself on the bed. My bed feels so comfortable, maybe too comfortable, when I'm like this. Strange but I like it.

I laid my head down on the pillow and closed my eyes. _Another day of work can wait for a few hours. _

Before I knew it, my alarm went off.

_**KRRIIINNG!**_

_Ugh, what a drag this is._

I stood up and changed back to my normal clothes. It was quite degrading to the fact that I did not get any sleep last night. I must've overdone it this time.

Before my mom woke up, I went outside and met with Rick.

-0-

We were in a steady relationship as far as I'm concerned. It all started when I baked him cookies last year for the spring thanksgiving. He said it was one of the best things he ever tasted in his life. I always shook my head in disbelief and say that it was all blasphemy but he insisted. He let him taste my cookies all over town without revealing my name. To my surprise they were all positive comments.

I held his hand; he was always there for me in my struggles.

"Will you still love me even though I'm still a failure?" I asked my voice cocky.

"I loved, love and will love you always even though you're still a failure." He gave my hand a squeeze and my heart was beating up a tornado in my chest.

"I wonder what the category is for this year." I said putting my hand unto my chin. The category changes every year and nobody knows it until the Gourmet announces the dish needed until next week.

"Manna says it may be desserts. But that's just a lucky guess you know." He said with a smile.

_Desserts?_

"Are cookies considered desserts?" I asked with pleading eyes.

"Well, yeah of course since they're sweet and all…but…hey, wait a second..?" Rick was left puzzled as I dashed back to the supermarket to get some ingredients from my mom.

-0-

The ingredients my mom gave me were quite basic. Just flour, milk, eggs, some sugar and salt and chocolate. She said in order to make cookies I need butter (of course!). I can make butter myself although I'm not sure how much salt I should put in.

I poured the milk carefully and emptied it with the last drop that fell. Surely, a pinch of salt is just enough. I hit the mixer on 3 and it started to whiz. The sound was quite comforting to hear and it made me almost jump when I saw the milk turn white to light yellow. I quickly turned it off and place it on the butter container my mom prepared.

_This is for Rick_, I thought in my head the whole time I baked.

The rest of the cookie recipe was easy enough for me to make. I memorized this one since both my mom and dad taught me how to do it. Good thing our oven was big enough for the tray, I almost panicked when I saw the size of it.

_Ting!_

The cookies were done.

I gasped to the fact that they weren't burnt this time, and it smelled _DELISH_!

I grasped one of my creations, savoring the scent, the crisp, the soft outer edge.

Before I even took my first bite, I heard clapping sounds at the back. It was mom. And for the first time in months, she actually smiled to me in an honest way. She always looked so sweet and kind when her smile is plastered on her face, but now, she looked more divine than ever.

"Care to have some milk, honey?" She said when I snapped from my gaze.

I glanced at the cookie, then at her.

"Sure mom. I'd love to."

And my mom and I had the best conversation of our life while eating the cookies I baked. She said she was watching the whole time and noticed how relaxed I was. I just shrugged at the fact about that and we just resumed chatting about nonsense.

I guess the reason my mom was always a grouch 'cause I rarely spend time with her nowadays. When Rick entered my life, he had become the center of it. I usually forgot the errands that I had to do, some shipping help for the new ingredients and my mom-time chat.

-0-

**Spring 22: Cooking Festival.**

This is the day when I can finally prove to everyone that I am still able to cook even just one recipe.

This is also the day my mom asked me to take the plunge. We worked really hard on this one, changing the ingredients and recipes we should work on.

We started by simple chocolate chip cookies, then off to moderate-leveled ones like butter oatmeal cookies and cinnamon cookies with sugar sprinkles. Then my mom pushed me to higher levels of flavors like snickerdoodles and Milk chocolate macadamias.

From the different sizes of milk and eggs, my mom and I needed to balance it out. It was really hard, measuring the eggs and milk needed plus weighing the exact number of flour. It took us nights to finish the perfect set of cookies. I just hope it was worth it.

I walked slowly to Rose Square composing myself and thinking to how I will react to the Gourmet's announcement. My mom already new the category ahead of time so surely, I won't be surprised. But if I act surprised, everybody will think I'm overdoing it maybe.

_Sigh. I'll just do the second option. I don't want getting people suspicious._

People were all excited especially Zack. He always looks forward on Lillia entering contests. Ann and Doug are near the tables, examining it maybe, but for what?

I stood with my mom, giving me her winning smile and as Mayor Thomas called for our attention, Rick stood beside me and held my hand. I smiled, knowing he will support me here in the Festival.

"Okay everyone; today's category will be DESSERTS!" The Gourmet exclaimed rather hungrily.

_Desserts huh?_ A smirk escaped from my lips.

"I guess I have a good chance."

-0-

My heart was beating even faster than before as I placed the cookies I made on the table beside the others' works. Theirs looks a lot more delicious than mine, but I kept my chin up and smiled. I took my position beside Manna and closed my eyes.

"First Up…Doug!" the Mayor said.

My eyes widened as I saw him walk up to the counter. He made a huge cake. A Chocolate honey Cake with icing and peaches too if I may presume. I saw those on magazines in our stores and it looked wow, but right now on person…

The Gourmet was left awestruck right after he took a bite. By his reaction, Doug will surely win the bag this time.

"Remarkable! The tastes in this masterpiece blend beautifully! The peaches and the honey added here was able to balance out the wine you added. Truly a creation to behold." The Gourmet exclaimed holding out his fork as if to show victory.

Doug returned to his position, with a faintest sign of a smug smile on his face.

_Can't blame him, though._

I wasn't paying to the other's dishes though. I only waited for mine but I did hear a few things.

Lillia made some delicious fruit salad. I guess she got the fruits from the other town. Jill's her name I think. Most of the time, I just visit there to check out the bar and chat with Muffy.

Manna made some cheesecakes I think. It looked really creamy and delicious and I'm not even lying when the Gourmet actually blushed when he tasted it. I thought he had a crush on Manna, when it fact it was the cheesecake! Like, seriously?

Ann made some pumpkin brownies. _Figures._ I can sometimes see her visiting Claire's farm last year. Now I can understand why. Her sweet tooth got the best of her this time.

I was the next, my heart thumping like crazy. I stood right in front of the counter, my face beaded with sweat. As the Gourmet took a bite in one of the cookies, I suddenly saw a vision in my head.

It was the Gourmet, standing on the mountains his eyes on the sun. He looked bright and lively and I didn't even know why. He was running around the mountains and laughing playfully like he didn't have a care in the world. What a sight to behold!

"Truly fantastic!"

I snapped back to reality and quickly went back to my position as the Gourmet tasted Claire's ice cream. I think she made something totally new since she put the ice cream on a rolled up kind of bread. I shrugged and went back to my post, breathing a sigh of relief.

-0-

I don't even know why my heart is beating faster this time. It's just the announcement, no big deal. But what's the no big deal about the announcement? I surely know that I'm not gonna win this year. What can my peanut butter chocolate chip oatmeal with sugar sprinkles cookie's taste beat to a 5-star Chocolate Honey Cake?

"And the winner is…" The Gourmet sputtered.

I must be looking paranoid in front of the people. I'm the only one who has shaking knees and shallow breaths. I closed my eyes and braced myself.

"Claire!"

WHAT? I worked my butt off and skipped days, nights even without drinking wine.

_How can my cookies lose to some measly ice cream on bread?_

I laughed at the thought and congratulated Claire. She said she was already expecting me to win, and became scared at the thought since for the past years, I did nothing on cooking festivals but poison the Gourmet.

Oh well, there's always next year.

-0-

_Today, I learned something very important._

As I drank my fifth glass and signaled Ann for another round, I guess I can actually conclude my day with only 3 words.

**Lost and Found.**

I lost my ol' happy, cheery confidence when I started turning 20 since many were having high expectations from me and I always screwed up. _Big time._

_Gulp._

I found a challenge I wish to complete in my life: cook new recipes and do them well this time. (And not force it to somebody else's throat)

_Gulp._

I lost my ability to cook when I was a kid.

_Gulp, gulp._

I found new inspiration to follow my dream.

_Gulp, gulp._

I lost my ability to cope up with my own problems from myself.

_Gulp, gulp, gulp._

I found the person I can trust the most and the person that will be there for me by my side.

Gulp, gulp, gulp.

_Rick and my mom. :D_

"Ahh…" I breathed out.

Life has twists and turns, but that's the fun part about it.

Guess I'm still a failure, but not totally one.

"One more Ann!" I hooted as I held up my glass for another round.

_**The End.**_

**Another Note**: The first story I was supposed to do was **Honor**. But I did 2 polls, one here and one at school. Failure got more votes so that goes first on the list.


End file.
